Ponchik is a sage-green plush cat with an Indian dad and a Ukrainian mum. By day he naps and watches human absurdity. During zoomies hour he headlines The Litter Box comedy club.
Full comedy specials recorded live in front of an all-feline crowd at The Litter Box.
"My name means little donut in Ukrainian. Which is an insult to an apex predator. I picked up her accent and none of her patience."
"A bald creature arrived in a swaddle. Suddenly I am second in the house hierarchy. I didn't sign the union papers for this."
"They spent eighty-five dollars on a carpeted tree. Two hours assembling screws. I sleep in the cardboard box it arrived in."
Click any bit to read Ponchik's unfiltered commentary on human behavior.
"Two hours of sweating over an Allen key. I sleep in the box."
Humans measure affection in retail value. Cats measure comfort in corrugated cardboard.
"I know it is not edible. I am chasing the existential dread."
Humans think they are playing with me. I am humoring them so they keep buying tuna.
"Three seconds of petting is affection. The fourth second is a felony."
I present the softest part of my anatomy to test your boundary compliance. You failed.
"You put a microchip in my food bowl and forgot how can openers work."
Civilization is three dropped internet packets away from total societal collapse.
"You threw a stick. Why would I fix your mistake?"
Golden retrievers were invented to make humans feel competent. Cats were made to balance the books.
"He screams at 3 a.m. for free milk. That used to be my bit."
Now I direct literary classics so the kid grows up with Chekhov instead of iPad babbles.
The greatest stories ever written are free. Their authors are dead. So Ponchik directed six cats to act them out.
English
15 years in isolation for $2 million. No phone, no internet, no human contact. Then the night before the deadline, the banker goes broke.
हिंदी
2 मिलियन डॉलर के लिए 15 साल की क़ैद। ना फ़ोन, ना इंटरनेट। आख़िरी रात जब अमीर आदमी अंदर गया, तो मेज़ पर एक चिट्ठी रखी थी।
English
He is not mad. He just hated that vulture eye. He buried him under the floorboards, and then the police arrived for a cup of tea.
हिंदी
वो पागल नहीं है… बस उस गिद्ध जैसी आँख से नफ़रत करता है। फ़र्श के नीचे छुपा दिया, फिर पुलिस चाय पीने आ गई।
English
Two identical doors in an arena. Behind one, a bride. Behind the other, a hungry tiger. The princess knows the secret. Which door does she point to?
हिंदी
एक दरवाज़े के पीछे दुल्हन, दूसरे के पीछे ख़ूंख़ार टाइगर। राजकुमारी जानती थी किसमें क्या है। उसने कौन सा दरवाज़ा चुना?
English
Premchand's Shatranj ke Khiladi reimagined in modern Brooklyn. Their block was being demolished by developers. They couldn't stop playing chess.
हिंदी
मोहल्ला गिर रहा था, बुलडोज़र खड़े थे… और ये दोनों मोहरे हिला रहे थे। घर के लिए नहीं लड़े, एक प्यादे के लिए लड़ मरे।
English
The richest tycoon in the state was caught smuggling at midnight. He handed the rookie officer a blank cheque. The inspector refused.
हिंदी
अरबपति ने ख़ाली चेक दिया: कोई भी रक़म भर लो। दारोग़ा बंशीधर नहीं झुका। जब नौकरी गई, तब वही अरबपति उसके घर आया।
English
A Silicon Valley tech billionaire pays $12 million for invisible nano-fabric only smart people can see. 10,000 crowd members cheer until one kid laughs.
हिंदी
12 मिलियन डॉलर का सूट जो सिर्फ़ समझदारों को दिखता है। पूरी जनता चुप रही, जब तक एक बच्चे ने सच नहीं बोल दिया।
Six actors, one megaphone, and a director who claims he only does it for the archive.
A plush housecat in Brantford, Ontario, with an Indian dad and a Ukrainian mum. Named after a donut, which he considers an insult. Headliner at The Litter Box during zoomies hour, and the mastermind who convinced his neighborhood friends to act out timeless literature.
The nervous, wide-eyed green cat who never volunteered for any of this. Constantly startled by human behavior and easily overwhelmed, but unfailingly loyal to the troupe.
Plump, purple, and naturally dignified in his gold cufflinks and pinstripe vest. Deeply fond of routine, naps in sunlit spots, and maintaining an aura of aristocratic importance.
A wry orange tabby with round spectacles. The neighborhood cynic and busybody who inspects every sound, loves rules and order, and constantly questions human logic.
Regal silver-blue coat with calm, intelligent eyes. Graceful, composed, and quietly the smartest cat in any room, observing neighborhood drama with mild amusement.
Sleek all-black cat with a quiet, unbothered demeanor. Independent, strictly observant, and completely immune to human bribery, baby talk, or flattery.
The energetic ginger-and-white kitten in the oversized red scarf. Fearless, unfiltered, constantly asking questions adults avoid, and occasionally chewing on props.